“Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it.”
The cornerstone of my Life Coaching works is a science known as NLP: Neuro-Linguistic Programming.
NLP is a set of tools that allows you to understand people and their behavior, and more importantly how to enact change *quickly *.
One of the foundational principle of NLP is understanding the four personality types (or sensory modalities, in NLP talk): Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic, and Auditory Digital.
Spiritually this is important, since our personality type affects how we process information and we perceive the world, and by extension how we see each other and our Creator.
In the video below, I give several important points, such as:
How to understand how people work, the 4 types of personalities and how they communicate; Why it is people don’t understand you, and how to talk so they can.
As an aside, in the video I mention how I am in the process of writing a book on this topic, and I’m in the process of gathering information. If you wouldn’t mind answering a few questions, I’ll mention you in the book! Click here to find out more.
The video and note extensively cover how to know your type, but one other point; there is a saying in NLP: ‘the map is not the territory’. What that means is, this is a way of categorizing and understanding people, but it should not be viewed as absolutely true about absolutely everyone. There is still room for these character traits to manifest in different ways. Which is the very thing my new book is about!
The real power here, is not just in knowing your own type; since after all you already know what you are like! The secret is to understand your type and others people’s types as well, so that you can communicate and understand each other better.
In this article, I’d like to talk about something I’ve never spoken about before: eye accessing cues.
If you notice the picture that accompanies this article, you’ll see a chart with different faces on it. The way it works, is when we think about things, our eyes give away what it is we are thinking about!
The first step is to figure out what the other person’s ‘alignment’ is; if they are right handed, the chart listed above is probably accurate. Another good sign is if they wear their watch on their left hand, they are probably aligned ‘normally’. If they are left handed, it may or may not be reversed. What I suggest you do is start paying attention to their eyes when you are talking about things you know to be true or false. For instance, ask them about lunch yesterday and watch where their eyes go. Or ask them to imagine what a purple people eater would look like, and watch where their eyes go, as well.
Then, start asking questions and see if they are telling the truth or not!
For instance, if you say ‘where were you last night’ and their eyes go up and to the left, that is not a good sign since it means they are trying to make up an answer, rather than remember the truth!
Or if you ask ‘do you love me’ and their eyes go down and to the right, they are asking themselves the same question, rather than searching their feelings.
Now eye accessing cues alone are not evidence. But when combined with a knowledge of their communication style and overall behavior, it can give you a very keen insight into how to reach them best.
Like if you know your girlfriend is a kinesthetic type (as per the note / video), and you ask her to tell you ‘why’ she does or doesn’t want something, and her eyes go down and to the left, she is thinking emotionally, and probably won’t be able to give you a ‘logical’ answer.
Or, if you ask your brother what he did with your car keys and his eyes go up and to the right, he is retracing his steps in his mind to try and ‘see’ what he did with them.
There are other ways to make use of this insight into how your brain works.
For instance, if you are trying to meditate, it’s a goo idea to look upwards slightly (even if you have your eyes closed); basically raise your eyes as high as you can comfortably, which automatically will put you into a light trance state and make meditation easier.
Or if you have to read something technical or that you really need to remember, place the book on the arm of a chair so you can look down and two your left at it.
Basically you can move your eyes consciously in the direction of the thing you are trying to do. If you need an idea, look up and to the right.
If you are trying to remember a song, look directly to your left.
Practice it by paying attention to where your own eyes go normally when you think, and then everyone else’s.
Before long, your friends will be asking if you’re a mind reader!
What do you think ? Feel free to comment down below!
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B. Dave Walters
Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host
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