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Nurturing a Healthy Marriage
10 Ways to Get Over a Hurtful Past
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Yesterday I was interviewed multiple times on the radio, once in LA, to discuss the Kim Kardashian divorce. The interviewers felt Kim owed her fans a better explanation for the ending of her marriage.
Here are 10 reasons I could find that have been proposed. They are all speculation since the couple is not being clear about what really happened.
As a licensed marriage and family therapist, the reasons given for this divorce make no sense so far. And none of the reasons are beyond repair if the couple really want to work things out.
Here are my thoughts on the speculation:
1) Kim is a hopeless romantic. In her original statement Kim said she married for love. A 31-year-old woman is not an inexperienced 20-year-old. She was divorced before this marriage and should know that it takes more than love to sustain a life long commitment. I’ve counseled women who fall in love with men in prison and tell them not to marry these guys. Feelings aren’t enough to make a marriage work. If this is how she makes decisions, she needs therapy.
2) Kim didn’t feel right about it. These are her words. The message is that you follow your heart and get out if it doesn’t feel right. How about, if you don’t feel right about it, don’t get married in the first place. If you do, go to counseling and try to work it out. Give it more than 72 days.
3) Kim wants a family and children. This is something that all couples should discuss before they marry, If they don’t, it is an on-going conversation until there is agreement.
4) The couple can’t agree where to live. Again, this a topic for premarital conversations. Living arrangements can be navigated with their money. Like many famous couples, they can have several residences and make this work.
5) Kim did this for the money. I can only hope this is not the case because it really undercuts the sanctity of marriage. She vehemently denies this is the case.
6) Kim did this for fame and publicity. Kris couldn’t handle her fame. Kris is younger, less famous and doesn’t have her money. Women with money and power tend to divorce more than those who are dependent on their spouse for survival. But this was known on the front end of the marriage. The rush to the alter may have preempted working through these issues. Kim’s life is all about fame but again, I would hope that she wouldn’t go this far just to get her name in a tabloid. She admits getting caught up in all the wedding planning, but did no one talk to her about the magnitude of the decision to marry? If not, this would be sad. Usually friends and family can talk sense into you if you are willing to listen.
7) Kim is self centered but wants a relationship. If this is true, then go to counseling and work on your issues so that you can be a better partner. People go to therapy all the time to work on intimacy problems. Divorce does not solve this.
8) The couple has nothing in common. Step one of building a sound marital foundation is developing a friendship. That is why you need time to get to know one another.
9) Kris doesn’t fit with the Kardashian family. Tabloid reports love this explanation and have him arguing over money, flirting with girls, smoking pot and being rude to a cameraman. In my book, I Married You, Not Your Family, I remind people that marriage is a union of two people, but brings together two families. You marry someone and you get the family as a package deal. So families are important, especially when you live with them, depend on them and work with them in reality TV land.
10) The couple didn’t really know each other. This is probably the best speculation. With cameras constantly on them, the surreal world of Hollywood, I am guessing the dating, engagement and marriage took on a life of its own and the reality of what she did hit after the hoopla was over.
Whatever the reason(s), I hope the two of them will get out of the public eye for awhile, work with a couple therapist and seriously process what happened.
Do you feel Kim and Kris owe their fans more of an explanation?
To divorce proof your marriage, order my book, I Married You, Not Your Family
posted March 12, 2013 at 8:32 am
qpzzxmesxyet
posted March 15, 2012 at 7:20 pm
kim was salf centered on that choice mariage goes more than love
posted November 15, 2011 at 12:19 pm
I think they should try to work on the marriage and not give up so quickly. They should get some Christian Counseling.
posted November 14, 2011 at 5:25 pm
I married my husband when I was alot younger than Kim and we have been married for 40 years. Marriage is hard and a couple has to work at it during the good times and the bad.It is the hardest job I ever had. After three children and five grandchildren we are still working on it. Kim is spoiled and selfish, she will never have a lasting relationship. The marriage was for rating. Now I am just waiting for one of the other sisters to have a baby now that this little trick has bombed.
posted November 14, 2011 at 9:57 am
They are both selfish! That is usually the cause for any divorce. No one wants to give in.. no one wants to be wrong. Only getting rid of your personal issues and being honest with yourself with get you a lasting marriage.Also constant fogiving right off the back! When you marry so soon, expect issues, differences ,etc. it is how you deal with them!
posted November 14, 2011 at 9:44 am
Thank you so much for posting this article I really appreciate it! I agree 110% with what was said!
posted November 14, 2011 at 7:47 am
I don’t get the Kardashians. I don’t WANT to get the Kardashians.
I was sick of hearing about Kimmy’s wedding splayed all over the media, and the constant spotlight on her divorce numbs my senses.
Why do we talk about her or the Kardashians in the first place – in ANY media?
And dear Heaven, why on earth has she invaded Belieftnet? The one place I have looked to for an escape from the insanity of our money-focused, power-hungry, celebrity-adoring culture. And now she’s here too?
Please spare me! More than enough of the Kardashians already! Please stop it!
posted November 11, 2011 at 8:16 pm
if kim felt that she was in love it would have worked,but life has a way of things to be
posted November 11, 2011 at 9:16 am
I can only agree with you on one point and one point only, # 5.
Kim got married for the money. There is no such thing as ‘love’ in this lady’s vocabulary.
posted November 11, 2011 at 7:00 am
If the church would engage our young people using the pop culture they so heavily consume, it would help them critical think and apply biblical principles to real life situations. This has been a great opportunity to engage the youth and even my neighbors in the discussion of a biblical view of marriage.
posted November 11, 2011 at 6:55 am
I don’t believe this story is not important. It speaks to the way our society is dealing with the sanctity of marriage. If marriage is this disposable and there is no outcry, we are a sad nation. This show impacts many young people who are influenced by media. The popularity of this family is astounding and the dialogue regarding this case has given me great opportunity to speak to my teens and young adults about the message Hollywood sends to the rest of us. And studies show, we are impacted. So what might seem silly to some of you, is impacting the way we see a vital institution–marriage. The covenant needs more honor.
posted November 11, 2011 at 3:53 am
This “marriage” was a lie and deception orchestrated by Kim and the rest of the “Kardashians”. Their surnames only claim to fame is the fact that the actual children’s father, Robert Kardashian, was a brilliant legal mind who had made his mark the legal field before he coaxed O.J. Simpson into turning himself in. Has everyone forgotten how she entered the spotlight at all? She floated in on the coat tails of Paris Hilton, used her for own gains and left the alleged BFF relationship in the dust. She is manipulative and phony like her mother! She has no morals, is not lady like in anyway shape or form and to be completely honest and to the point, she is extremely promiscuous!! She changed her “boyfriends” more frequently than she changed her under garments!! She played society and this poor Kris like a fine tuned fiddles all for cameras, publicity and profit. Costing him more money for the ring he bought her and she kept, after using and deceiving him! He is not going to get a damn thing because of her pre-nup agreement giving her everything all profits for pictures, etc.. that they would get for their wedding. Now, who was in it for love and what fake $*$*$ was in it for money?? She makes me sick!!
posted November 11, 2011 at 3:33 am
Just reading a question like this on this sight really makes me discouraged about this sight. I always thought this site was for uplifting folks. These folks do not live in the world that any of us normal folks do. We have a nation that is crumbling right under are feet. We have hungry children every where. We are paying for a senseless war, that no one seems to be able to explain why we are still at war? So who ever decided that asking this STUPID QUESTION was really important, can maybe go stand in the lonh line of the unemployed folks in the USA
posted November 11, 2011 at 3:26 am
I really believe this nation has MUCH BIGGER PROBLEMS-Then this nonsense
posted November 11, 2011 at 3:17 am
Owe her fans an explanation? No. If she expects to sell a book about this later, an explanation might be a good selling point then, but holding that for the book would seem indicated. Just because a lot of people want to know everything about how you think, relatives/friends/everyone else, does not require you to spill for them. If you want to do so, please give me a chance to leave the impact area first. In this case the song applies: ” . . . you can’t please everyone, so you might as well please yourself!”
posted November 11, 2011 at 2:24 am
I already knew this marriage was no going to work just by watching the reality show, where the viewer sees only what the family wants you to see. I could tell that the two had nothing in common. I just think Kim wanted so to be a part of something so real that so just could not see past the unreal.
posted November 10, 2011 at 3:24 pm
WHO REALLY CARES? THEIR WORLD IS NOT THE REAL WORLD. POOR KRIS GOT BAMBOOZLED BY ALL THE GLITZ. IF YOU REALLY LOOK AT HIM, HE IS COMPLETELY DAZED BY IT ALL.
posted November 10, 2011 at 2:05 pm
When u want 2 guet married..u have 2 know only “ONE THING’ marriage is sucrifying your freedom to share everything with another person??!If u can’nt do such incredible sacrifice???! don’t guet maried,even if u r extremely in love,love will never last forever.
posted November 10, 2011 at 11:12 am
No, I don’t believe in the “public’s” right to know every detail of should be strictly between man and wife,I thinks the public’s “right to know” is the root of many of society’s failures.
posted November 10, 2011 at 9:46 am
I will never waste anymore time with anything Kardashian. I feel so duped.
posted November 10, 2011 at 9:39 am
Why is this even being discussed in my Beliefnet web site? Did I accidentally long onto People.com?
posted November 9, 2011 at 6:06 pm
While watching the series leading up to her wedding there was a level of respect missing in Kim for Kris that I know is the key to being someones best friend & lover. Kris has a lot of growing up to do and I got the impression that Kim wasn’t interested in waiting.
posted November 9, 2011 at 5:06 pm
Probably Kris could not stand being called Mr. Kim Kardashian.
posted November 9, 2011 at 3:48 pm
Kim owes NO ONE an explanation except those directly in her life.
We can all speculate and exaggerate, but at the end if the day it’s her life. If & when she asks for the opinion of some of you “holier-than-thou” folks, then by all means feel free. Till then, give the girl a break. We have all made mistakes: big and small, hers was just very public!
Let him without sin, etc..
Peace
posted November 9, 2011 at 3:29 pm
I feel the public is owed an explanation as we are part of her life and she expresses that she wants it that way. I do feel we will get an explanation and it may come with lots of advertisements ahead of time as was her fairytale wedding. May God bless her in her decisions of life. Prayers be with her.
posted November 9, 2011 at 9:04 am
Matthew you are so totally correct. God was not mentioned nor was he the foundation and without him, marriage or anything else will stand. Looks, beauty, and all this superficial stuff will fade. Whatever the Lord creates, lasts forever. People really need to understand that marriage is not only a commitment to the partner, but to God. You are making a vow, promise to love this person until death. They need to stop and think before they do!
posted November 9, 2011 at 8:06 am
Matthew, I agree without viewing marriage as a covenant, a holy and sacred act, God is not in the picture. And sadly, no faith issues were raised in any interviews I heard or read. If you don’t believe marriage is a covenant, then it does simply become a contract.
posted November 9, 2011 at 7:49 am
Really? I got this in my daily Bible reading, not one mention of God. The reason this ended in divorce was because God was not the foundation, without Him we all fail.
posted November 9, 2011 at 7:46 am
ithink she got out of the marriage because of her thought on “oh ma gash do you know how many train rides am gonna miss”. that is celebrity type of marriage-everybody is screwing everybody and that cracks the toilet you know.
posted November 9, 2011 at 5:02 am
You know what? This is just foolishness…….I don’t care, I don’t wanna know, but something in me made me read this I guess I was thinking you would say something that mattered. I do respect this email……………but? Just let it go it doesn’t matter……..
Thank you
posted November 9, 2011 at 3:09 am
yes I do!!! I watch there show all the time… I really enjoy watching them. They became part of our lives too!!! So she should give her fans a better explanation!!
Maria